1.The Sexual Mismatch
We don’t want to kinkshame anyone so we’ll refrain from saying that anyone’s sexual desires are weird. That said, it a fact of life that not everyone’s sexual desires always match up and in a hookup situation. Sometimes you’ll go home with someone expecting something relatively vanilla, only to find that that were more in the mood to have someone shove deli meats up their peehole. You’re then faced with two options: you can either keep and open mind I try something out that you’ll most likely not enjoy all that much, or you can politely tap out and deal with the awkwardness that ensues. Either way, it wasn’t how you had hoped your night was gonna go.
2. The Bad Kisser
Say what you will about the Sexual Mismatch, but at least they know what they’re doing. Not these guys. Everything seems great at first: They’re cool, they’re cute, they’re interested. Then you get down to business and it feels like they’re trying to clean out the inside of your mouth with a squeegee. You try to stick it out from there and things just keep getting worse and worse. By the end of the night you somehow have a crick in your neck and a the smell of their spit wafting towards your nose. The shittiest part is that if they didn’t suck they’d be awesome, so blowing them off becomes a challenge.
3.The Friend You Should Have Stayed Just Friends With
It seemed like such a good idea at a time. You like the person. You you like hooking up. Why not combine the two? Well it turns out, it’s because they don’t mix. It’s not as dramatic as they make it on TV where one hook up either means your getting married or your friendship is over. That said, it’s still weird as hell. You can never look at your friend again without thinking, “Hey, I know what it’s like to hook up with you” and once you cross that line, there’s just no coming back from that.
4.The One Who Keeps Popping Up In Your Life
As awkward as hooking up with a friend can be, it’s at least not all consuming. There’s more to you and your friends’ relationship than just the hook up. That’s not the case with this person. You thought they’d be a one and done situation, but for some reason this person keeps intruding in on your life unexpectedly and all you can think of when you look at them is one bad hookup you had a year ago. Whatever the opposite of a gift that keeps giving is, that’s what this person is.
5. The One Who Wanted More
There’s a reason they’re called ‘Hook up’ and not ‘relationship starters.’ Unless things go a certain way, it’s implied that this is just a one time thing, and, unfortunately, this person did not get that message. You don’t have anything against them, so you don’t want to just reject them. That said, you also don’t want things to go any further, so you end up just kind of ignoring them in a way that ends up being meaner than if you had just been up front. Who would have thought except literally ever sitcom of the past 40 years?
6. The One Who Didn’t
Of course, you won’t always be the one doing the rejecting. What hurts infinitely more than letting someone down is getting let down yourself. As it turns out, the worst kind of hook up is the kind that you don’t realize is a hook up until it leaves you feeling like shit. Hooking up is not for the faint of heart.